I really suck at updating you guys on stuff, just ask anyone who's waiting for those posts I said I was going to write about IVF and childbirth (in brief, neither as bad as I was led to believe, one even positively joyful) but I'm trying to be less of a jerk so I thought I would let you know how I'm doing.
I'm doing good. The anxiety is gone, I'm only mildly emotionally irrational and I'm functioning as normal again. I'm not entirely sure why, several things happened at once: my mum arrived with a selection of homoeopathic and herbal treatments, March ended and a couple of days later so did the anxiety. It turned into hopeless sobbing for a few days and then that passed too. I'm still not exactly exuberant but I'm good and that in itself is a blessed relief. I also let go of the house selling/moving thing and stopped looking at houses for sale in London. It will happen when it happens and in the meantime we have a really nice house to life in that doesn't need rewired or re-plumbed or re-anythinged. And more likely still, I took the PMS thing seriously. I mean, it's not exactly news that my hormones are insane and this is the first time in almost a decade that I haven't been on some sort of hormone suppressant to try and control my endometriosis, and so the chances that they're a bit out of whack and making me feel kind of crazy seems relatively high. Determined to try and treat it naturally before going back on any sort of medications I started taking the vitamins and minerals that I used to take before I got pregnant and that I've delighted in being lax about since then because I'm better now and don't need them (ha!)
Anyway, that's where I am for now. I figure exuberance will come, in time.
Oh, and the coffee thing. I'm back to one, weak, cup a day and you're right, I should give it up and see what happens. But I don't want to.
*image by Anahata Katkin