Thursday, May 31, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Yesterday at dinner time we decided to go camping. Spontaneously! With twins! Never mind our carefully constructed routine or the fact that the girls had already had a wildly exciting day and hadn't napped or that it was dinner time or that we have 18 month old toddlers who have never been camping or that the campsite was an hour's drive away and it was rush hour or that it was just a stupid idea, we were being spontaneous!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
As 'moving to London' becomes less something that we talk about doing in the future and more something that looks like it might actually happen, the urgency with which I feel like I'm going to vomit right into my lap increases drastically.
Don't get me wrong, we still haven't sold our flat and we haven't started looking for houses in London, and since that one day when we announced that we were planning on moving we have done absolutely nothing to try and secure work. But it's looking more like it's something that is going to happen, and within the next year, and ohmygod I'm going to throw up. The thing is, I feel sort of paralysed. Somewhere between the life I've spent 5 years building and the life we talk and dream about for our future and somewhere there, half way between Glasgow and London (Wigan?) there's me, curled in to the foetal position pretending it's all not happening while spectres of mortgage lenders and the frankly terrifying business competition in London delightedly jab me with their fingers and whisper gleeful promises of failure in my ear.
Call it fear or pessimism or denial but I feel exactly like I did when I was 37 weeks pregnant, that nothing is ever ever going to change, I'm going have two people inside me and need to pee six times a minute FOREVER. I can picture the future with our dog and our garden and our beautiful London clients and I'm more or less present in the life we live just now (which make no mistake, is pretty amazing) but when I try to picture actually making the change? Wigan.
I'm working on leaving, no one wants to spend too long in Wigan (joking, I've never been, it might be lovely.) but I'm also trying to accept that this huge chasm of uncertainty between making a decision and actually being able to make it happen is just a fact of life and one that I need to embrace, not fight. Maybe it's not the end of the world if I'm not certain all of the time?
* IMAGE BY JENNIFER TRAN www.jennifer-tran.com
Thursday, May 10, 2012
I don't wear a lot of jewellery, more than I used to but not a lot. For a long time I just couldn't be bothered, which evolved into 'babies, everywhere, pulling at my face' and now has finally settled into the wearing of a couple of small, really simple things which I love but which mostly (but not all) cost 20 pence and so are now disintegrating. The handful of things that I wear are as follows:
- my wedding ring-$10, etsy.
- conical stud earrings in gold (the kind of gold that chips off) and in pewter - £6 for three, topshop
- studs that look like pearls from afar but are actually brushed silver (a present, about £25. Pricy.)
- gold triangle earrings- $30 etsy
- a black friendship bracelet with silver beads which was a gift from a bestie. I'm terrified that the string is going to wear through like the one I gave her in return did so I only wear it when I need to channel her badassery to get through the day. It's my equivalent of strapping on a pair. It was about $30 from Catbird.
There's a theme; simple and Not Expensive. While the thought of wearing jewellery that is Expensive thrills me (I've been known to drag Nye down Bond Street, looking at £500,000 rings with my nose pressed up against the windows while he glares around with contempt muttering 'this is revolting, I can't believe you made me come here. Hey, that's Chris Eubank.) actually wearing anything that cost more than 30 quid would probably make me nauseus. So I should probably stop looking at these beauties from Mociun, for although they are (perfectly) simple they are Not Cheap and therefore Not For Me. But how I would love to replace my crappy, flaking gold studs with Mociun's exact copy (times $100) in gold which I'm pretty sure wouldn't peel off.
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
It's taken a while but I'm finally, well and truly, in love with Beyonce. Did you see the dress she wore to the Met Gala? God, that's one sexy woman. I love that she radiates an air of couldn't-give-a-fuck-what-you-think, while also appearing wholly dignified. I like that in a person.
* photo from this wedding. Yes, I'm the wedding photographer who will stand in front on MTV for 5 minutes waiting for the right moment to photograph Beyonce shaking her ass behind you. I'm also the wedding photographer who will put down her cameras during the reception to dance to Single Ladies with your two-year-old niece. Just so you know.