Monday, January 26, 2015

You guys.

image by Ron Van Dongen 

You guys, thank you so much for your comments on my post about us quitting/ adventuring/ whateverthehellyouwanttocallit. While your words of support and encouragement were nice (really nice) it was your generosity in sharing your own experiences of following your dreams only to realise that oops, maybe they weren't the dreams for you, and of starting over that really slayed me. 

It's not easy to admit that you got it wrong (I know) and it's really not easy to admit that you don't actually have a clue what you want (harder than admitting that you don't want what you've got but you know what you want and you don't know how to get it. Follow?) and I'm so grateful to all of you who did that. It was a beautiful reminder of Ye Olde Blogging Community, with the sharing and the chatting and the commenting, before iphones and instagram came along and ruined it all. 

As soon as we decided to quit wedding photography I started to feel like maybe I could start writing here again, that I could reclaim this space as mine, as more than a marketing tool for the business. For years I have been self-censoring (honestly), worried about what clients might make of a photographer who talks about poo and periods and prozac, chasing my tail wondering quite what image I should be presenting here. Blissfully, I find I no longer really care. 

This stupid blog is approaching its seventh birthday and as many times as I've tried to kill it with neglect (and occasionally with something more aggressive), it's still here. Still with the same crappy name I gave it seven years ago when I had no idea how ubiquitous and then passé both peonies and polaroids would become in the lifestyle blogging world. I regularly dream of starting afresh somewhere else, of coming up with a witty, intelligent title that doesn't make me wince when I'm forced to say it out loud, but it never seems to happen. 

Maybe it's time to embrace that which embarrasses me, to accept that the seven years I've put in here aren't nothing and enjoy that people are still reading, and sometimes even commenting the best comments. Thank you for helping me to get there. 




23 comments:

  1. I've been reading your blog for over 5 years and it always makes my day to see a new post from P&P in my feedly feed. just thought I'd let you know. I don't comment often.

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    1. Thank you! I appreciate your comments. x

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  2. Haven't been reading for long but your last two posts have brought back good good good memories of similar scenarios in our life/lives and how we (surprise?!) always landed on our feet, no matter how scary and wild our plans or non-plans turned out. Apart from moving in once with the in-laws for a short while catching our breaths, we never had any spare cash thrown at us and it always worked out. Some nights, I wake up in a sweat when I remember our innocence and our confidence. My child, now aged 30, had been to 6 schools in three continents by age 10 and her roots are firmly all over this planet.

    It has been the best of times just as yours will be.
    Enjoy it with your eyes, minds and arms wide open.

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    1. Thank you so much Sabine, it really helps to hear some perspective from someone for whom all of the uncertainty worked out just fine.

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    1. YOU REMOVED YOUR COMMENTS. That's not cool lady.

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    1. Hi. Let's hold each others' hands and we can get through this. When the apocalypse comes it will just be you, me, Lisa and Lauren.

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  6. I feel like there must be something in the water. Transition time, etc. Always have enjoyed your honesty and can't wait to read more about your new path.

    I'm ready to set fire to so many things in my life right now. Let's all hold each on to each other. *waves at all commenters and cara*

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    1. Burn it! Burn it all to the ground and cackle gleefully at the dancing flames!

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  7. Claire Stuart27/1/15 4:13 pm

    I got in touch with you about 4 years ago with grand plans of having a family photo shoot done in good old QP. It didn't happen (thanks to my husband's COMPLETE lack of style and general coolness) but I still wish we had. I digress but my point was I thought the name of the blog and everything you wrote was uber cool and interesting then and still do. I've merrily followed the blog since then (whilst grieving for my photos that could have been) and can totally relate to your last post too.Good luck! (I'll still read the very cool blog with the very cool name by the way - prozac, poo and all).

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    1. Hi Claire! I remember! And thank you, I'll take any appearance of coolness where I can get it.

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  8. Yes, yes, yes! Please! This is one of my favorite spots. I like your poo and prozac talk.

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    1. Aww, thank you for saying!

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  9. I can never think of how to articulate my thoughts after reading your posts. So I haven't for 4 years. Your last post resonated with me. Thank you for sharing. You and N will find your way, not sure how but things find a way of working out. Maybe it's finding a way how to trust things will be ok? I find this super difficult and have no idea how to do this myself! Love from Australia.

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    1. Thank you so much for commenting, I really do appreciate it. And it's TOUGH, isn't it? This 'being a grown up' thing, the whole 'trusting'. I console myself with the fact that I have made it this far, so I must be doing something right, or at least not TOO spectacularly wrong.

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    2. I know right? I don't want to sound complainy, which I totally am, but it always seems like other people around you have it under control, you know? It would be nice I think to feel that confident. But your right, gotta be doing something right to be here, and now. Just gotta keep on ploughing forward and hope we find a way. Sabine's been there and I'm sure you will get there too.

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  10. If you HADN'T talked about poo, periods and just generally life as you know it, I would never have asked you to take our wedding photos. We weren't after a 'wedding photographer' we were after real people and you both turned out to be Just That. I have been inspired and moved by your writing for years now. Stopping now would be the most terrible ciffhanger!

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    1. :) Thank you! There have most definitely been some wonderful weddings that have come through P&P and some wonderful couples who seem to not be horrified by us, which has been nice!

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  11. I still enjoy every one of your posts and even commented ocassionally. I haven't commented much throughout the seven years that I followed because 1. I always thought you were much cooler than me and 2. I've weaved in and out of my blog for the last seven years as well. I have just started over in a new space and have loved the change. Transition must be in the air. I supposed it's the seven year itch for most people. Btw, the name of your blog still sounds fresh to me. Good with it all!

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  12. I think perhaps you should become a writer. I'd read your column & buy your book. And probably even buy one for a friend too.

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  13. I wrote a somewhat epic comment here yesterday then somehow didn't post it, or maybe I did, so apologies if I'm repeating myself. last night I saw on Instagram that you were leaving your lovely (and much envied) London garden. I have to admit I have followed your adventures more on Instagram of late, (but it brought me back here, so it's not all bad) partly because of a 3yr old who exhausts me, and partly because I've got a bit out of looking at blogs generally as some of them exhaust me..... Not this one though. I came back, after a really shit weekend during which I spent a large amount of time wondering how the hell I was a grown up and a mum when I so obviously really haven't got my shit together, and reading your most recent 3 posts has been reassuring, moving and inspiring. I too am on the treadmill they call London, wanting to move - actually needing to move (can't afford this shit and turns out I never really could) but feeling so exhausted I never seem to have the strength or energy to work out what's next. soon to be school age child adds to the anxiety immensely, as does the general societal pressure of what I 'should' be doing (which is quite confusing these days - isn't it?!). anyway, what I really want to say, is that you are so not alone, you are very brave, and inspiring, and you are a bloody brilliant writer. So maybe that's the thing? Ok, you spent a lot of time doing wedding photography (which it appears you are also very good at), but you spent a similar amount of time writing brilliantly here, and so you have a huge portfolio of brilliant writing that has moved, and inspired and lifted so many people, and really also made them laugh and smile and nod along. So, maybe writing's the thing, or maybe it's not - the thing is only THE thing, if it's making you happy.... (Oh yeah, also the are the practical things of money and looking after kids which I really know add a whole other level of scary shit to life, but still, aiming for what might make you happy is a good start - actually no, just stopping what's making you unhappy is the best start - and you've done that) Forget what the world says you should be doing, seems to me you're doing pretty amazing stuff and making some good bold choices and I think your kids will only admire you for that. I certainly admire you a lot and am glad I came back here to find out about your adventures. I read loads of old posts last night and really enjoyed them all. Don't stop the blog.... Don't stop writing. Now I just need to go and follow my own advice and all will be well in the world. Xx

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play nice.