Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Conversations with myself.

Rain or Shine, by Cathy Cullis

Ugh, what am I doing with my life?

Right now? You're walking the dog.

No, not right now. Overall, with my life. What am I for? What's is the point of me? What do I doooooo?

Well you walk the dog, you take care of your family, this morning you did some laundry and hoovered the hall and sometimes you get paid to answer other people's emails...'

Uh huh. That's not really helping.

What do you want to do with your life?

Write. And take pictures.

And what did you spend this morning doing?

Writing. And taking pictures.


But there was no point to it, no one paid me to do it, it didn't make any money...

Oh. So money is the point. You want to get paid?

It would be nice, yeah.

Do you need to get paid?

I don't understand the question. 

I mean do you need to get paid? Do you need more money?

It would be nice.

Yes, but do you, right now, need money? Are there things missing in your life that you need that you can only have if you get paid for what you do? 

Um.... Well... No, not really.


But if I'm not getting paid then what's the point? 

Are you happy? Are you getting better at what you do?

Maybe that's the point?

Oh shut up. What do you know. 

I know that you want to write and take pictures. I know that you do write and take pictures. I know that you want to get paid but you don't financially need to get paid. Maybe you would like to get paid, maybe emotionally and mentally you need to get paid but right now, this week, you are not getting paid.Yet there is the potential, that in the future, once you have scrubbed your step, you might be in the position to get paid. Is that correct?

Okay good, glad we sorted that out. Now maybe we can get on with doing what we do and worry about getting paid later? When we need to?

You know we're very lucky that we don't need to worry about getting paid right now?

I do. I also know you added that bit so the Internet wouldn't hate us and think we're a whiny ungrateful bitch. 

I did. 

Thanks for looking out for us. 

You're welcome. 


  1. This is great! Even though I'm retired and the money aspect needn't concern me (although extra is always nice, much less disposable income on the pension), I can lose sight of the value of doing creative and intellectual and even social stuff that I've long wanted to clear time for. We are so used to being validated by a paycheque. And I'm so sorry I'm not sending you money for this, but I'm bookmarking this page and will come back to it for inspiration and a bit of solidarity. Thanks!

    1. Please don't ever apologise. I write here in exchange for comments, not cash! And thank you for commenting and for understanding the struggle!

  2. Nice work, Myself #2. I'm with you.

    1. Myself #2 might speak to me in your voice, just a little bit.

  3. A hundred thumbs up. I'm in a similar boat and this perspective is so helpful, thanks.

  4. you are so right, again!

    Time to stop letting our worth/work be determined by a paycheck, and let the work be valuable by itself.

  5. Replies
    1. Is it just me or do those look less like hearts than they used to? Have emojis ruined us?

  6. Conversations with the wise woman (that's what I call it) always help. I'm so thankful for cameras, blogs and journals so I, too, can "get the itch out" and practice for maybe, someday.
    Looking forward to seeing your future! I understand!

  7. On bended knee is no way to be free
    Lifting up an empty cup, I ask silently
    That all my destinations will accept the one that's me
    So I can breathe

    Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
    Half their lives they say goodnight to wives they'll never know
    Got a mind full of questions and a teacher in my soul
    And so it goes

    Don't come closer or I'll have to go
    Owning me like gravity are places that pull
    If ever there was someone to keep me at home
    It would be you

    Everyone I come across in cages they bought
    They think of me and my wandering but I'm never what they thought
    Got my indignation but I'm pure in all my thoughts
    I'm alive

    Wind in my hair I feel part of everywhere
    Underneath my being is a road that disappeared
    Late at night I hear the trees they're singing with the dead

    Leave it to me as I find a way to be
    Consider me a satellite forever orbiting
    I know all the rules but the rules did not know me

    Eddie Vedder

    Because worthy words should be responded to with more worthy words :-) xx

  8. I love this and can certainly relate. Value doesn't equal money (although it is, indeed very nice to get paid).


play nice.